It's been a while since my last post. A lot has changed. I am aging. It seems my body is changing and while the changes are occurring my mind still says I'm 18. There has to be a balance. I no longer produce adequate levels of Testosterone so I now take a testosterone supplement. My body no longer produces enough Thyroid so I take a synthetic thyroid drug. While this is a path I was hoping to never have taken, I think the benefits outweigh my convictions regarding maintenance drug programs. I also am taking an anti depressant for a short time, it seems I cycle through periods of mild depression which make my life difficult to navigate. The difficult navigation is manifest in mood swings. I may get angry at something that really means nothing or I may simply sit and cry. Worst part is the changes occur almost instantaneously. If I take Bupoprian for a month I can get a year or so of nice relaxing non mood induced behavior. So, enough of that.
I have been on vacation for the last two weeks and done nothing but stay around the house. I've gotten some things done which has been another benefit of the drug program because I don't feel so blah or lack direction. I did catch a cold of some sort. My head feels like there are plugs in all the places designed to relieve pressure so it builds until my eyes feel like that are going to pop out like a cartoon characters springy eyes. My throat feels like 40 grit sandpaper and when I cough the back of my head feels like it's going to implode. Other than that it's been a great vacation. Ive been able to read some books and reflect on the joys of fly fishing. I have finished building a bench for tying flies even though my tying skills are roaming the nether regions of some far away galaxy. I keep telling myself practice makes perfect but I'll settle for semblance of something trout like to eat. I have spent a couple of days at the mall since I'm a sucker for my daughters when they say "dad will you take me to work and pick me up". That consumes several hours in a day and while I'm not a spender I like to visual shop and see all the things that might be nice to have but lack the conviction of spending the money. I had aspirations of getting a lot accomplished outside but for three or four days it rained incessantly. Major flooding and wind like one was standing exposed on the plains of west Texas. To top it all off the weather adjusted to cover us with a mild covering of snow. The snow didn't last due to the ground retaining enough heat to melt it off but usually the first snow signals the thermal laws of the earth to release the heat and allow the next show to remain a bit longer. This pattern continues until the laws of spring and new life begin to gain the strength required to subdue the iron fist of winter.
Seasons amaze me. We expect the natural seasons to occur and measure our existence per these seasons. Some of us look forward to the rise of the crocus as a harbinger of life anew. We do this because we know that's the way things work. We listen for the grasshoppers in may and June as a mark of the heat of summer beginning to start the season of suffocating heat and while that heat seems to take your breath away it's still a pleasant time of the year. As the heat begins to yield we start noticing a change in the colors of the trees, the grasses start browning and the meadows aren't as symphonic as they were during summer. Then we get a quick blast of chilling air reminding us of the days to come when we huddle by the stoves and fireplaces while the gloves and boots dry in the entryway. We measure our lives in cycles.
Life begins as spring, the days of our youth. We discover the details of growing up. We play continuously. We run as if everything depended on our being in the lead. We forge forward into everything that peaks our interest, we dodge the obstacles that aren't appealing or seem to hold some inherent responsibility we don't want to be burdened with because the days of our youth are not days to be burdens. We are having fun, life is good. We explore creeks, chase grasshoppers, throw rocks, go swimming at the local swimming hole. We eat dinner with our families, enjoying the company of the ones we live with. Then we start venturing into other arenas. We discover girlfriends (boyfriends if you are a girl) and let ourselves be whisked away by a new time of discovery. We eventually, not always, find the one that we like to be around even when there is no conversation. If the relationship is the right one we bring children into the world and make the seasons of life perpetual for generations. Eventually we find ourselves together again without the children and discover a new season. This season is a time for reflection. A time to bask in the changing of the leaves of life. A time of introspect regarding the details of life. We participate from a different place. We aren't so driven to obtain things but mature into a position of appreciating what we have. This is where I reside but I've just arrived so things are new to me. I am on a journey of discovering what this season holds. I am learning to reflect and to magnify the beauty of the details. There are so many things to learn, to enjoy. Life is good. Oh well, just reflecting....
Took time to watch a movie. I guess I could tell you the name of it otherwise you could spend a bit of time guessing or simply shrug that statement off as "So you watched a movie, oh well"... It was a Robert Redford movie called "A walk in the woods". It had Nick Nolte in it too. No spoilers here. All I'm going to say is welcome to the latter years of life and hello Appalachian Trail. Enjoy. I will say I really enjoyed the movie and it will get watched again in my house multiple times.
I hope life has been and is good to you. Take a few minutes everyday to reflect on the new things of the day. Look for something you learned that you didn't know before. Listen differently than you ever have. Find new sounds. Pay attention to your thoughts. Contemplate something today, something like how many words can I write with a standard No. 2 pencil before it runs out of lead. Discover your imagination then take a part of that imagination and make it a reality. Learn to paint. Listen to some music you always thought you didn't like but listen to it differently and listen to it all the way through. Take a different route to work. Do your grocery shopping in the opposite direction. Wear different colored socks for a day. Pick a new word to learn and use it at least forty times today. Open a door for as many people as you can today. Say hello to anyone you make eye contact with (use common sense here and pay attention to situational awareness so you don't end up in an uncomfortable situation). If you never take your dog for a walk take him or her for a walk. Share one of your favorite memories with one of your favorite people. Become established and give yourself credit for being necessary.
Later.
by the way, my word to day is "Ineffable".... look it up..
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