And here I sit... and rabbit trails...

And here I sit....
This is a somewhat pointed statement I throw back and forth with my cousin. It always seems to happen when we run across an article or an idea that seems to be right in our wheelhouse. I am very interested in the success stories people have about implementing their ideas into quantifiable efforts that are what they always wanted to do. I also avoid the term success because success is a word defined so differently by so many people in so many circumstances. A few times a month I find myself lurking around on kickstarter or gofundme just to see what people are doing and what kind of response they get. All in the name of thinking someday I'll find my niche. The reality of that is I'm a big old chicken when it comes to taking chances like that. I use the term chicken with some reservation because it encompasses many different avenues under it's heading. Wonder where this little passage of thoughts is going to end up.
I would dive into the depths of the term chicken but I could write a book about all of that. A few quick sub headings would be lack of confidence.. in what you ask.. myself.. I see my own faults. What I don't see are the solutions to overcome those faults. Another would be not taking a chance for fear of failure.. really it's just simple fear.. of what.. financial failure.. ridicule from others.. and I keep coming back to confidence. Go ahead and use your imagination for the rest of the reasons none of your reasons would be far off the target.
Take for example, blacksmithing. I love the thought of earning a living as a blacksmith. Just so you understand I'm not talking about a farrier or a shoer of equines. I'm talking about heating, beating, shaping, connecting metal to make all kinds of items. Things like hinges, pot racks, wine racks, beds, chairs, tables, hooks, lists, candle holders, keep thinking about the possibilities of all this. I've helped a local entrepreneur blacksmith for the last 10 years on Fridays but not so consistent for the last two years. He's a lifetime blacksmith carrying on the traditions of his grandfather. Very successful in his craft. I've learned a lot from him but the thing I couldn't learn is confidence. So I've let it fall to the wayside. Crazy isn't it. I'm still interested. I love to hammer metal. I just can't consistently stick with it. Some of it may be not sticking with it to the point I become so good I can't do anything else. Wonder if I'm lazy... Maybe not lazy, I think more that I just stay too busy to focus on just the blacksmithing. Hmmm.. that means it becomes a matter of priorities. Dang. Starting to look like I have the answer to my issues.... I see a rabbit trail coming on... not going to chase the rabbit... but...
It's  rabbit! It seems most of the time we are our own worst enemy in a lot of areas. It can be any area. Relationships, attitudes, introvert, extrovert, choices, on and on and on.. I've been really looking at perceiving and responding correctly in all situations. So what determines correct perception or responses? If you are a christian it really comes down to allowing Christ in you to be your everything. I know you're going to read that and say "amen" or "that's right" but both responses typically are hollow. In fact if we aren't responding according to Christ in us we are hollow. How often do you see people profess christianity yet they yell at the simplest things, they get angry at the drop of a hat, they aren't polite and are often rude beyond belief, never willing to lend a hand or let alone pray for someone in need (in the presence of the one need). Want proof? Let's visit Philippians 3:7-15. Paul, aka Saul is the subject. Saul built his life in accordance with the law, he was Hebrew's Hebrew, he was born of the tribe of Benjamin, a true Pharisee. He was doing everything he was supposed to do according to the definition of success in his world. Was he wrong? Think about it before you answer and look at your life in your world today. If you measure Saul against yourself you'll find he was doing everything right according to his definition.  So the rest of the story... Saul encountered God.. Flash Bang and Saul's definition was redefined. He wrote about it in Philippians 3, check it out. Here's what you don't know and don't feel bad I didn't either until the other day. When Saul encountered God he went to Saudi Arabia for three years and was not heard from for those three years. I can assure you he was struggling to figure out his new definition and wrestling with his past. After his three years in Saudi Arabia he went to Jerusalem and remained there, silent for another fourteen years. Go look it up, I never knew all of this. Maybe I was taught about the three years when I was a kid in church but I was also taught how evil Saul was.  I contend Saul was not as evil as I had been taught. Remember to compare his definition at that time to your definition today. He could've continued in his original definition and lived his life according to the law and would have been very successful by his worlds definition. Same with us. So what happened. Saul encountered God. By the way, God renamed him Paul, new definition. I believe he did it to mark place of transition. His internal definition changed what was reflected in a change to his outward actions. To mark the change from old Saul to his new definition, God changed his name to Paul. The only reflection of Saul's old ways are in his writings saying who he was then. I love the term he used, I once thought... but now... Time for a self check..
So the rabbit is back to the original trail. Rabbits run in circles you know. They run in different diameter circles but they always come back to the place they began. What does the story of Paul have to do with blacksmithing and dreaming? All the baggage that keeps us from being who we are intended to be must be laid down along with the old definitions we operate in. What does this look like going forward? I don't know. I really don't need to know. All I need to do is surrender myself to Christ who resides in and with me. In all things. the way I perceive and the way I respond. I am to love as God loves. I am to pursue Him. Seek and you will find, that's a quote from the creator Himself. If the blacksmith thing doesn't work out it's OK. Just need to keep moving forward. Pursuing God. That's my new definition. It's yours too even if you don't want it. Your choice.
While I really didn't know where this was going it ended where it was supposed to.
It's still light outside. My hammers need cleaning. Might even be a piece of metal longing to have it's definition changed. Into the fire....
Peace.