Still breathing....

I really wanted to make this a regular place to write but life always seems to get in the way.
A lot has changed and a lot is still the same. I took a class at our local junior college over the summer to see if I wanted to take more classes. I decided to retake Freshman Comp II, yes it was a crazy thing to do. I actually enjoyed it. Got a 94 for the semester. Felt pretty good at 57 years old. So this semester I'm taking Fundamentals of Art I. Great class, great professor. The only surprise is I'm the only guy and the oldest person in the class. Real surprise there, not. I'm a bit shocked by the conversations the girls in this class have especially with me in the room. A few are reserved and considerate, others don't care whether I'm in the room or not. It doesn't really matter to me but I am still shocked. I will take the fundamentals II class next semester and may include a creative writing class. I am also taking jazz guitar lessons from Dick Gordon Jr. and thoroughly enjoying it.
So here I am. Trying to find the me I lost or discover the me who never really surfaced. I took an Enneagram test the other day. I am a 4 with a 5 wing. Look it up, there is a lot of information on the Enneagram Institute web site. I recommend finding out what it says and then do a little self evaluation to see how you feel about it. I think I wrote before about the Myers Briggs Personality test and how I am an INFP which I guess is a bit unusual but again go see who it says you are. It might really surprise you.
I'm still working on my sailboat. Haven't ridden the Harley much. I am still working on an old Chevrolet pickup for a friend but I think she's getting tired of waiting on me to get it back to her. It actually has gotten me so stressed I don't like working on any old cars right now. Maybe I just need to trailer it back to her as is. By the way I'm not charging her for anything I've done to it.
Put in a garden this year. Had lots of watermelons, Cantaloupes, Yellow Squash, Cucumbers, Tomato's, Jalapeno peppers. It was fun but I also tilled up a pretty good size area and scattered a bunch of Hummingbird and Butterfly favorite flowers which went absolutely crazy. Lots of butterflies, hummingbirds all summer. Planted sunflowers which grew to about ten feet tall and were quite amazing. I had planted some grape vines but my goats got loose and nubbed them to the ground so I'll try them again.
I have completed my equipment purchases for backpacking except for two items I need to replace. the first is a North Face Cat's Meow sleeping bag I bought in 1980 (maybe) and a Mystery Ranch backpack. Probably going with an Enlightened Equipment blanket and an Osprey AG60 not locked in yet though. I really am considering finding a way to go  thru hike the Appalachian Trail. Again probably in pursuit of my self discovery journey.
It's Saturday and rainy today. Good day to rearrange my bookshelves, read a little, practice the guitar, and just relax.
Depression. I have not been through such a period of depression as I have been encountering for the last two to three weeks. It's been the worst I have ever faced. It just seems as if everything that could happen to cause me to question my value and purpose raised like a huge hammer and just smashed me. It's a horrible thing to experience. I have wondered if I shouldn't get tests run to check my chemistry and see if it's physical or mental. I have low thyroid production and low testosterone production so who knows. I have been engaged in a no sugar fast for a couple of weeks to see if that makes a difference but all I've noticed is I don't feel as sluggish as I had been feeling. I've stopped watching the news except to keep up with the weather. I am engaging in healthy books that make me feel good. I am drinking more water daily than I ever have. I have a lot of compassion for sufferers of depression and understand very well how debilitating it can be. Listening to a lot of praise and worship songs and some selective teaching by Bill Johnson and Kris Vallotton. A vacation might help too. A surf vacation would be even better. Maybe go hang out with my buddy Puddy Albright in Port Aransas for a few days. Could go see Glen in Kulm ND too.
Enjoy your day. God is good. Be nice to people. Help someone who needs help then find someone else to help.