Have you ever had one of those days where you don't know what to do? There's plenty of tasks needing to be done but there's a hole I can't seem to figure out how to fill. I've practiced my guitar a lot and that's not it. I've been trying to learn some new songs but it takes a measure of dedication I'm still trying to find. Part of the problem is the inherent desire to be good at something the minute we try it. Not sure why that exists but I think it has something to do with performance anxiety and wanting to be accepted at a level that just isn't achievable without committing to an effort until the level of excellence one desires is achieved. We all have certain things we want to be good at but because we aren't starting at the level we think we should and be at full capabilities, we tend to avoid whatever that skill or desire is. We do this with people too. Immediately we begin to avoid, hide from, run from, quiver in sheer terror, at the thought of engaging whatever it is whether it's art, music, people, sports, work, etc.
To take this thought deeper we may begin by looking at what the expectations of our parents, teachers, and peers were as we were growing up. If we figure this out early enough we can stop the chain of self expected accomplishment without the effort or training. We can change the attitudes of the generations coming behind us. It makes sense and seems quite reasonable to begin teaching young ones to view failures as successes when we learn as much from our failures as we do when we accomplish the success we desire. In other words, failure must be an acceptable part of the journey. If we instill a feeling of failure as being the total failure of a desire then we cause a permanent message to be invested in the mentality of the one attempting the effort.
Reflect into your past. Think of something you really wanted to be good at but received negative feedback for an attempt that was improperly judged by others. Instead of them helping you find a path around your roadblocks they just simply said you can't do it or you aren't good enough to accomplish that. Mine was mathematics. I was always told I just wasn't very good at math so I accepted that and began avoiding math at any cost. The worst part about it was I had received A's all the way through grade school. I had memorized multiplication tables so well in fourth grade that the teacher invited the principle to our classroom so I could perform them for him. Somewhere in the transition from 6th to 7th grade, I allowed thought and comment to manifest in my brain that I couldn't be good at math anymore. I cannot tell what the origin of that thought was but it came in like a hurricane and took up residence all the way through High School. I'm sure there were many other things that had been shut down with the intent to never be attempted again but something clicked when I went to college. There was no way I was going to get a degree without some higher level of math on my transcript so I was in a bind. I began to reason that if I was going to obtain a degree I was going to have to conquer the math. I began with beginning algebra. I kept taking math classes until I made it through Calculus I. I attempted Calculus II and Engineering Physics in the same semester and bombed both while trying to maintain a 40 hour work week that often included out of town travel. Long story shortened, I never finished my degree but I have taken a lot of classes over the years trying to get there. The thing I have discovered now is I really have no desire to obtain a degree in the realm of engineering and I beat myself up over the years trying to get one when it really wasn't a goal in my heart. What if I had received support between sixth and seventh grade so I wouldn't have accepted the premise that I was no good at math? What if I had been aware enough of who I am that I could have rejected those comments and thoughts and succeeded very well at math through my senior year? Look around, is there someone in your life that is struggling with trying to be successful but the fear of acceptance has caused them to run and hide from whatever it is? What about you? Find a friend who is willing to walk through it with you and then you be that friend to someone else. I am passionate about this. The dreams of our youth should always be walked out to see if it fits our journey and if it does pursue and help others pursue with all that's in you. Don't give up. Accept critique when it's given to truly help. Quash the demeanor's that have nothing but ill intentions and rise up. You can do it but you never will unless you start working towards it. Being good at something is only judge-able by you and only you control whether you pursue or not. Everybody will have opinions but they don't have to live in your world based on their opinions and they wouldn't even if they could. As long as you operate within the reasonable laws of the land and obey the inherent laws of God you have an open arena to work with. It doesn't matter what others think as long as you don't directly impede in their territory. Go for it. Society has built a set of standards that aren't conducive to achieving your dreams if they aren't within the parameters of societal acceptance. Be a pirate. Take a chance. Follow your heart. Your heart usually gets it right and when it doesn't it hurts but those hurts are like failures that aren't truly failures. Hurts are also a part of your journey and a big part of maturing. Being hurt is no fun, in fact, it sucks but we all have been hurt and have grown from those hurts. Take a chance. Go for it.
"A", if you read this, acrylics are only the beginning... it's a challenge... I'm right on this and you know it... Go for it.. you have no idea how rewarding it has the potential to be...
I know this is a short blog about a very difficult and lifelong issue but I suggest you talk to somebody. Find a life coach, someone who will not let you give up but helps you up every time you think you failed. By the way, if you keep a journal you can read about your journey which may help you get through the next obstacle.
Later,
PS. Some competition is healthy as long as it's done and finishes in the proper context without great deals of anguish and suffering. While others may be better at something compared to us, it's not fair for us to compare ourselves with them. Each one of us is unique. We are individual expressions in the earth and we all are intended to work together to achieve a good end. So be your own unique expression and grow like a fresh spring flower. Recognize your seasons and operate according to the season you're in. Be great in your own eyes! Another note to "A", it doesn't matter if you are an accomplished artist in New York or painting cups in Nebraska, it is not a competition, besides I own a masterpiece you already did and would not sell it for anything."G" my brother, I hope you get something out of this and build a ride worthy of your dreams and potential, hang in there my friend!
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