One more out with the old in with the new... what a boring title...

 Not another end of the year I can't wait to be done with 2020 blog...

I promise. The irony of doing a year in review is you can't change any of it. You never can get the words you've spoken back. You can't go back and fix choices that should never have happened. So why look back and reflect? The only reason to look back is to implement lessons learned for choices in the future. So many times we hear the term lesson learned and think of the bad things and choices we experienced and do not want to repeat but what about the good ones? The problem is you can't relive the good or bad times exactly because that moment in time only exists once and then it's gone forever. I'm watching the snowfall and am mesmerized by the flakes making the journey from the heavens to come to an abrupt halt when they hit the ground. Some flakes land on grass or the flakes that fell before them. Others land on houses, driveways, roads, vehicles, your dog, or horse, etc. They do not choose where they land. They just do what the infallible law of design dictates. They form in the clouds and drift to the ground. The wind may affect their journey but again they have no control of the outcome. Boring, beautiful but boring.

People are a very complex subject. We control our direction in some form or fashion but not completely enough to dictate the outcome. If I say something to someone I love and they perceive differently than I intended or even as I intended sometimes and it offends them the reaction is the only thing they control. That reaction usually dictates the next exchange which shifts some control back to me and on it goes until it's clarified or dies. I often speak too quickly. I listen well but my responses come too quickly which typically escalates the offense into a minefield of conversation that has potentially catastrophic outcomes. If the other person sees through my quippy responses they usually end up with a very heartfelt apology and a promise to be attentive to not repeat the offense again. 

What if I'm the one that takes offense? Again reverse scenario but all I control is my reaction and response to the assumed offense. I can either blow it up into a full-scale war or I can be slow to respond and gently course it through a communicative conversation that has a pleasing outcome for all. Slow response is the key. If my quip switch is on then it's not going to turn out well. I'm pretty sure Solomon wrote about this in Proverbs and Ecclesiastes. I do not like arguing at all. I take that back (I can't really, remember?). If the argument is a learning opportunity and ends in a nice makeup scenario then there has been some gain from the banter. The ticking bomb in an argument is keeping the bomb from exploding with hurtful and resentful comments. Maybe we can reclassify healthy arguments simply as communicating. There, is a concept a lot of people miss. Responding to an offense correctly can change the format from an argument into a communication session and benefit all or both parties. I'll have to add silence is an answer or a response but it is not a healthy communicative response. With some personality type's silence can be deadly to a relationship. There is a time when silence can save a relationship but it's like putting out an oil well fire with nitroglycerin. It must be done with precision and concern for the other parties involved.

If you haven't figured it out I think by writing. If it seems like rambling it kind of is. Really it's a good roadmap detailing the way my thoughts happen. It's still snowing. If snow-flakes had the ability to have emotions and knew accumulating in certain places was going to cause pain and suffering what percentage of the snow-flakes would fall in those places anyway? They could only do anything about it if they could control their journey. We can control our journeys to a point. How many of us continue an argument knowing the outcome could be devastating and have long-lasting effects? Could it be the art of slow response in communication, (if I'm bleeding from an injury forget slow response) would be the best reaction by every human on this planet? Take some time to consider your reaction next time the opportunity to banter arises. Try it and see if the outcome becomes a good learning point instead of a historical failure.

Later, (still snowing...)