What I want...

What do I want...
Really want...
I am stuck. I experienced a movie today. Griffin & Phoenix. I'm not going to give my review of this movie. I am still thinking about the affect it has on me. If I choose word association my first thoughts were of mystical creatures. The Griffin and The Phoenix, not sure they apply in this case but maybe they do. It really is more than that. Quick plot line is both characters were dying from different types of cancer, a thing that occurs way to often in real life. In real life the crap never stops no matter what your condition is. For things to change there has to be a concerted effort to enable and carry through any form of change good or bad by one or more human beings. The thing about dying is some are given the opportunity to get a forecast of their end others are not. The facts are none of us will escape our end. Cold hard fact, it's our destiny. The story is heart wrenching, not the movie, the fact we are all dying. We travel through life setting goals and developing dreams only to find too often we are just living day by day. I go to work to afford things. I have taken living day to day in full stride. We hear about people who are "driven" or whatever other word you choose to label them with but what is the value of life we live if we live day by day? When you were a child what did you dream of? Where did you want to go? How many things have we dreamt of only to lay those dreams aside to go to work to pay for things?
I started this blog with the thought "what do I want.." There are of course the material things, things I think would bring me pleasure. Then there are the spiritual things which are everything else.
I can sure name the things I don't want. No more arguments. No more anger, yelling, depression, anxiety, no more being too busy. There are a lot more but that short list encompasses quite a lot. As with the things I want, the things I don't want I usually have control over and just make choices that aren't always my best choice.
The things I want... I want to love unconditionally. I want to experience life. I want to see everything, hear every sound, smell all the smells, I want to feel. I want to learn. I want to make the right choices. I want an enhanced sense of satisfaction. I want to experience deeper peace, more happiness, fuller joy, greater pleasure, contentment, and a host of other things, I want to experience sadness, sorrow and more. Without the pain the pleasure doesn't have the same value. I want to drive my old camaro, play the violin again, get better playing the classical guitar, finish saxophone lessons, learn to play the piano, learn to sail.I want to be a better blacksmith, I want to fish with my children and future grandchildren. I want to be loved unconditionally.
Some of this may be rather morbid but I choose to use it to change. The whole point is what do I want? What do you want? What are you doing to accomplish all that you want and make what you have even better? Do you even know what you want or have you resorted to just starting and finishing your day with little regard for whats in between?  I can't tell you what you want, neither can anyone else. Only you know what it is. If you don't remember maybe it's time to sit for a while. Take your favorite pen and paper... Close your eyes... Sit in the dark... Total quiet and solitude... What do I want...