It's all in the timing...

It seems the old saying about time is revealing itself to be true beyond any reasonable shadow of doubt. Time waits for no one. I came to this realization while watching a wind turbine in a movie tonight. As I contemplated the wind turbine I kept thinking it's just a glorified wind mill with a readjusted purpose. Maybe that's the real me. The real me has yet to decide what he wants to be when he grows up... But I find that I have grown up. The routines of life haven't really changed but the way I approach and perform them has. I'm very cautious about the way I bend over to put my socks on. I look in the mirror and think I've aged in the last year when really I know it's been a progression of time, which never stops. I'm not really complaining I understand its just the progression of life but I can't say I really like it very much. Can't stop it either though, so, maybe it's time to embrace who I am which I have yet to figure out. I also heard a saying that goes something like maybe its not that we figure out who we are but who we aren't. I can spend a lot of time describing who I am not but will it reveal the true me. Probably not, in fact it could lead to a lot of disappointment in the results of my accomplishments thus far. Don't think I'll go there. I reflect on the things of my past and try to remember all the things I really enjoyed over the progression of my life and find a measure of satisfaction remembering some of the details. Would I want to relive them? Probably not but I think they help me embrace the search for who I am. I remember days of being a peacemaker, not enjoying conflict or trouble but always searching for a resolution that would satisfy the situation in a manner fitting of an upright or honorable human being. Somewhere I have let part of that go. The selfish side of me sure seems to blaze to the front when things aren't going my way. Doesn't seem very mature or at least not the way I thought I'd be in the last half century of my life. There's no time, which stops for no one, like the present to work on me. That's it, I'm a work in progress. Maybe that's who I really am, a work in progress. I have allowed things to trap me, like having a job I'm not enjoying right now. I have very little patience with my youngest daughter (seventeen but still my little girl). I have let temporary situations dictate my actions instead of using my core strengths to remember temporary situations don't last very long or they wouldn't be temporary. So here I sit at 12:25am putting my random thoughts on a blog very few people will ever read wondering what tomorrow holds for me. Honestly, it doesn't matter what tomorrow holds its just the progression of time, which stops for no one. I hear the thoughts "midlife crisis" rattling in the background but I don't buy that. Tomorrow will just be the next day in my life which really is temporary at least it is in its present form. I write all of this to get to a place I can stop writing and be good with being a work in progress. I'm ready for a change. Could be a job, location, attitude or whatever it's just time for a change. Don't misunderstand, I didn't write this for an audience, I needed to get my thoughts where I could really think about what my next thought would be and that happened to be here, now. I also know that any of my friends or family viewing this should look at this as a positive thing and not depressing or dramatized. Maybe I'm not the only one needing a change, maybe this sparks something in one of you. Life on this planet is short and we aren't meant to live it in a constant state of chaos or wonder. We've each been designated a purpose since before any of this was created, see Jeremiah 29:11. Maybe it's more about stepping into an arena that's a little uncomfortable just to see what happens. Maybe it's about knowing who's got my back, who will pick me up if I fall, who will put me in the fire, place me on the anvil, mold shape and form me into one thing of great value before I take my last breath. Maybe I haven't been listening...
Time never stops, it goes on and on and on...